The Tourist (part one)

What? What?? What???

Yes indeed, laydees an' gennelmen, we are indeed back. The year-plus-long hiatus is finally over. "Maths teacher goes to the movies" is now indeed, in da house. Oh yes.

"But, why?" I can hear you ask. "What could possibly have happened, to cause maths teacher to take arms up again against oppression, and fight for truth, justice and the mathematical way?"

Why, indeed, my friends. What can I say, but there are times when you simply have to answer the call (stop sniggering at the back there); times when there is nothing else to be done, but to come - however reluctantly - out of retirement, and pick up the red pen of mathematical righteousness, the graphic calculator of movie worthwhileness, the protractor of somewhat fading shabbiness, and say, as have so many before me, those simple four words:

"Johnny Depp - maths teacher?"

Aye, that'll be chocolate

In our house, where JD is known as "The Gorgeous Johnny Depp" by the Good Doctor, there was a fair bit of excitement at the news that Jack Sparrow was going to play a maths, sorry, math teacher in the movie "The Tourist". Excitement from the Good Doctor, for all the usual reasons (mainly to do with that wispy beard thing he tends to sport, and the smouldering eyes, and - heck, work it out for yourself, or ask a nearby female), but also of course excitement from me. The Deppster as a maths, sorry, math teacher - yah beezer! Just think of the kudos that will now attach itself to our humble profession! Think of the sales of patched-at-the-elbow tweed jackets which will ensue! The respect which pupils will show us, as they gaze in wonder at their maths, sorry, math textbooks! Teacher recruitment crisis be gone!!

But, wait a minute, what's that you say? Angelina Jolie is also in the movie, playing a woman who looks exactly like Angelina Jolie? Well, gosh darn it, and excuse me while I do my best not to make the immediate gag about there now being three reasons to see the film. Oops.

And hey, who cares if the reviews seem to have been a tad in the dumpster for the Deppster over this movie? How can I not see it? And how can I not comment on it?

Jings, but this is exciting. So exciting, in fact, that I'm going to end here, and post my actual, proper, answers at the back of the book review a tad later on.